The Embrace →

I found 2019 to be a tumultuous year but 2020 has far surpassed with a world-wide pandemic, an increasingly polarized political climate, racial injustice leading to protests and riots, refugees continuing their flight in search of safety, natural disasters raging, explosions killing and fires surrounding parts of the world. Clearly these are tumultuous times but I’ve also found these times strangely hopeful. Months before the pandemic, God had slowed my life to a more simple, quiet pace, yet, internally intensity rose as I watched the unfurling of catastrophe and disorder. The pandemic’s influence of breathing fear, anxiety and confusion exacerbated issues in my relationships that maybe weren’t all that bad but the undoing exposed unhealed wounds, widened divisions and demanded the choice of embracing love or fear. During this time, I’ve realized the choice we make largely depends on how we choose to use our eyes, ears and mouths.

God gave us eyes to see.

God gave us ears to hear.

God gave us mouths to speak and divine wisdom when not to.


2020 brought relational dynamics where my voice has been silenced, where the other has demanded that he be in total control and that I be invisible. I’ve felt intensely unseen and unheard and I see this happening at every level in the list of crises mentioned above of which our world is navigating and I can’t help but grieve the damage we do to one another when we misuse the God-given crevices in our heads. When one refuses to see and listen to another, it is nothing short of dehumanizing. In all this unrest, confusion and uncertainly, art has been my sanctuary in this middle space - the space between suffering and redemption - that space of knowing God’s truths and yet struggling to see from His perspective - the space of feeling anger toward he one who scarred me yet choosing to love my enemies and pray for one’s who hurt me. Processing through these issues in the context of art deepened my empathy for those who experience this pain on a much grander scale. The voices that have been silenced for centuries: women’s voices, minorities voices, abused partner’s voices, children’s voices . . . Not only did this process help me work through the pain of my recent experience and helped me feel empathy but it also brought conviction of the times I’ve failed to truly see another - to see their value, their God-given beauty despite their sin and flaws or pain they’ve inflicted on me. I’m convicted of the times I’ve been unable or unwilling to truly hear them, of the times my words have been gravel rather than the balm of grace, hope and love.

In my art called, The Embrace, I tried to describe through picture of what happens to us when we loose sight, when we are deaf and unwise or unkind with our tongue. The base layer is made of cut up faces of various skin colors and nationalities. The eyes, ears and mouths are dissembled from God’s original design. Sections of the faces are misfitted with other person’s parts that don’t match or make sense. When we refuse to truly see another or to hear from a heart level and speak from a place of love I believe we, 

become disillusioned

disfigure one another

create new divisions and expand those that already exist 

And we become deceived and thus confusion and despair readily awaits at our doorstep.

For the second layer I whitewashed the disfigured face layer representing the fog that encompasses us when we become deceived and the white layer also represents the skin color God gave me. I am a white woman which means I often view life from an American white female lens but God created all shades of skin and every eye, ear and tongue. Every person is worthy to be seen, heard and embraced. More importantly, it’s ultimately Christ’s lens I must peer through, His Spirit’s whispers that I must lean into and His Words that I must digest in order to speak life, hope and love to myself and others. Maybe I have white skin but I pray that my allegiance is to Christ alone and not to a color or ideology or a nation’s borders or a political party. 

The third and final layer is intended to represent the powerful, unashamed EMBRACE - Christ embraces us fully, unconditionally and whole-heartedly. When I accept and receive His divine embrace, only then, am I able to embrace others fully, unconditionally and whole-heartedly . . . While I know this to be true, I’m not there yet in some of the cracks in my heart but I am reminded that unless I cling to Him, I cannot truly see, deeply hear, or speak sincere words of love and life to those around me. 

May I, may we, be the Body who receives His embrace and clings to Him. Then, may we, fearlessly embrace others from all walks, all cities, all nations. This is possible when we truly believe that, “He who is in us, is Greater than he who is in the world (1 Jn. 4:4). May we trust that He will not abandon us in the middle space (Heb. 13:5) and that He is redeeming all things, even when we can’t yet see the fullness of that redemption (Pro. 17:22a, Heb. 12:2). By faith, may we choose to Embrace His Love and in turn, embrace others.

The Great Covering

On this particular day, I came into the Art Studio feeling a lot of things. My friend asked me how I was doing. I didn’t want to talk about it particularly but I admitted that I felt mad. I was mad at the injustices that occur. I was mad about people being treated unfairly. She asked if I wanted to paint together. I looked at her with great hesitancy; she was proposing to paint “together” on one canvas. This felt scary and vulnerable but I knew I had to say yes and I’m so glad I did!

We each picked out a few colors that we were drawn to. I started with red x’s and she started with blending blues. We took turns, respecting one another’s space and creations and asked permission to paint over different spaces. it was a beautiful dance as we turned the canvas and viewed it from all sides, listening and waiting for our intuition to show us what might come next.

As we painted, we were processing what was happening in our mind, body and spirit. My whole being slowly calmed and came to a place of rest where I was able to breath deeper and I began feeling peace rather than anger. But what made this collaborative painting experience so powerful is the fact that my friend welcomed me in and allowed my emotions to be true and sat with me in them and walked through the process of coming to the other side. I call it “The Great Covering” ... not only because of how I felt so covered in my friends love and hospitality but also because it makes me think of God’s great covering in the midst of every circumstance and at every step we take. I’m thankful for a friend who demonstrated this truth in a life-giving way on this day.

“Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; how blessed are all those who long for Him. O people in Zion, inhabitants in Jerusalem, you will weep no longer. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you. Although the Lord give you the bread of privation and the water of oppression, He, your Teacher will no longer hide Himself, but your eyes will behold your Teacher. And your ears will hear a word behind you, “This is the way, walk in it,” whenever you turn to the right or to the left.” Isaiah 30:18-21

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The Power of Breath

DRAWING THE BREATH 

Recently I was challenged to “draw my breath” ... I didn’t know how to do this but over the course of 3 weeks I wrestled, pondered and asked questions about my breath.

The first drawing I did was with eyes closed, allowing the pencil to go where it willed as I listened to my inhale, then exhale. When I opened my eyes all I could see is a strange looking fish with a large ominous mouth which only made me think of a hungry perinea, leaving me feeling unsettled.

The second drawing started with big red curves representing the stress I felt in the moment, feeling out of control from not knowing how to draw my breath. I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing, what medium to use, the “perceived” rules or expected outcome. The challenge was to simply “draw your breath.”  But I changed color to blue and allowed my hand to continue pushing the pencil as curves became softer, gentler, calmer, “blue” as if paying attention to my breath and engaging my whole body allowed me to center and breathe deep, exhaling the anxiety I felt when I first started with wild red curves but ending with almost flatline calming blue curves. 

Then... after days of wrestling, thinking, pondering, praying I saw a picture of my breath; it was a picture of wind unfurling through the air so I dared to paint what I was seeing. When I allow stress and worry and control to dominate my heart and mind, my breath is shallow, constricting and dark which doesn’t allow the full unfurling into the air. But when I pause and remember that every breath I breathe is a gift and each encounter and circumstance in my life is a gift, I can give thanks and I realize that all that God’s given me can be gifted to the world around me and I can breathe deeper which gives me strength and freedom which eventually leads to a deeper experience of “life” which I intern can give to others - like the pearls in the painting being released, sharing their beauty with the world. So it is with all of us. God gave us breath and our very breath and existence impacts the world around us. We alone get to choose the level of impact. So when we breathe deep and accept all that comes our way as a gift, we in turn are able to be a gift to those around us.

After painting this I was reading, Breath for the Bones which reminded me that the Greek definition of Spirit is breath or wind. Perhaps listening to our breath and paying attention to how we are impacting those around us would cause us to pause, to breathe deeper and see more beauty and maybe even see how we can make the world a better place. After all we’ve all been given breath for a divine purpose that’s beyond our control and it’s the unseen things - breath, wind, and Spirit - that have the power to transform the world around us and yet we control none of these things! Therefore, why not thank the Maker of our breath every day and give the gifts He’s given to those who are wanting to experience new life, movement of the wind and the power of the Spirit.

May every breath we breathe give testimony to His greatness.  

April Near, Mixed Media, Oil, Sculpture 

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Recreated Mistake

Recreated Mistake

This painting was birthed from a throw away canvas which had a hideous start of my first attempted acrylic paining. Two years later I went to a artist workshop and I observed Mel McCubbin’s free flowing style with oils so I unashamedly took the throw away canvas and tried to paint like Mel - rhythmically, carelessly, freely, and without inhibition. I didn’t really care how it turned out since I was using a throw a way canvas anyway. I found myself being brave, generous and uninhibited with the paint and technique.

This left me wondering about our strong tendency to reject our mistakes and not try again nor learn from them. It also made me think about the beauty of plurality . . . the scene wouldn’t be near as vibrant and life-filled if there was only one flower. Nor are any two flowers the same - this makes me think about how we are better when we choose to do life together and the beautiful fact that we’re all different but we have gifts to share with one another.

I believe we are so much stronger when we share our joys and sufferings, our accomplishments and failures, our beauty and mess. We often see mistakes as failures and do our best to run but when I turned toward the mistake-filled canvas and allowed it educate me to a new perspective, the old paint (background shape) gave direction to the new scene which makes the whole scene richer. Turning toward the mistake canvas strangely freed me to paint without fear because in my mind I couldn’t ruin it since it was already ruined. What changed everything though was my perspective. I decided to face the mistake, learn from it and re-create. A lesson that stays with me as I walk the path of life by His grace and mercy.

“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:23

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